Monday, September 19, 2011

Using Fear to Fuel Me Forward

We are T minus 26 days before the big backpacking trip begins and I’m feeling more nervous than ever. But that’s natural. Going into something as big as this would make anyone feel nervous. Okay, scratch that. I’m more than nervous. I’m terrified. I’m spending a huge part of my life savings (one might say all of it) to do this trip of a lifetime. And have I mentioned I’ve quit my job? Yes, yes I did. And I like my job.

I know I am going to have the time of my life. I know the experiences I will be jumping into will probably stay with me forever. Still, the future-looking, stability-yearning, responsible me pops up every so often hounding me on what I will be doing after the trip. And the truth is, I don’t have an answer to the question (yet). I have plans, sure. One of them is to continue traveling. How will I achieve that, I’m still figuring out. So, really, the second half of my 2012 is currently looking quite blank. And that’s frightening.

I realized, however, that that is okay. A blank slate doesn’t have to mean loss, desperation and all things bad. I’m choosing to believe that a blank slate could mean a whole world of opportunities! And if I play my cards right, I can take them one by one the moment they present themselves.

I am taking this leap of faith because I can, because life isn’t always about stability. At some point, I have to take risks. I echo the sentiments of someone I stumbled upon in the travel community. My life is fine and dandy now, but if I do not take risks, my life will never be amazing. And I want it to be amazing. I want to look back when I’m eighty and actually like what I see: a life full of experiences without a single drop of regret.

I have said this again and again. It is not about being brave or fearless. It is about being scared shitless and doing it anyway. So yes, I am terrified. To the core. I have absolutely no idea what will happen in the next few months or next year. But I am using all that fear to fuel me forward. If this is living life to the fullest, then well and good. I’ll just be here minding my own business, placing one foot in front of the other until I get to where I ought to be.

Angkor, Cambodia
Photo by Angelica Cruz © 2010

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